Wives Walk Christ's Way

Good morning everyone. We’ll get back to our studies from the book of Ephesians and I request all of you to turn your Bibles to Ephesians 5. Today’s sermon is about, it’s for a woman. Let’s turn our Bibles to Ephesians chapter 5. Ephesians 5 and we’ll read verses 22 till 24.

husbands in everything. Let’s pray. Heavenly Father, we thank you for this morning. Thank you, Lord, for your grace that you have given us to come together and to stand in your presence as your redeemed people to declare your praises. Father Lord, as we come to your word, we pray that you would nourish our souls.

We pray you give us grace to understand your mind, your will. You give us grace to submit to the teaching of your word. We ask you, Lord Father, that you would make your word a blessing to our lives. In Jesus Christ and we pray. Amen.

This is one of the most sensitive topics today. And especially in the 21st century, it’s even more difficult to tell a woman to submit to your own husbands. But I’m safe because this is the word of God. So if you have any problems, you have a problem with the word and God. So yeah, in our previous studies from Ephesians we have seen how Christians are supposed to live in the light of our redemption, particularly under the theme “Christians Walk Christ’s Way,” and today’s sermon title is “Wives Walk Christ’s Way.”

The main thought begins in chapter 4 and verse 1 where Paul says, “I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called.” And in our passage, Paul particularly focuses here on the household conduct. How our wives, husbands, parents, children and slaves are, you know, supposed to behave. In the early church context there were slaves. We will look at that at a later point of time when we study that passage. But we must know the mind of God on these aspects, on these several aspects, to live God honoring lives. We have no excuses for not living in a manner that is pleasing to the Lord. Many marriages today crumble just because we do not follow the divine order. You may not have had good examples before you while growing up.

You may not have adequately understood, grasped the dynamics of a biblical marriage before you entered in a marital relationship. Or you may have had a Bollywood or a Hollywood, no, style of marriage on your mind that there will always love in the air. It doesn’t matter. As believers we come to the word of God and understand his mind. And we all are accountable to our Lord, even our marriages. You wife, you’re accountable to the Lord the way you live with your husband. Even husbands are accountable to the Lord the way you live with your wives. We will deal with that next week. Paul devotes a huge portion here for husbands, not to wives, right? So we all, we all are accountable. We all, we are

all divorce rates have increased in the past few decades. But surprisingly the divorce rate is declining in the U.S. You know that, you may wonder how. That’s true, it is declining because fewer people are marrying and there is LGBT, and instead they are living together outside of marriage. And the newer generation is leaning towards living relationships.

Unless one sees the authority of the scriptures, the institute of marriage is not appreciated. Your marriage reflects your commitment to the authority of the scripture, as demonstrated by your conduct as husbands and wives. Your marriage reflects your commitment to the authority of the scriptures.

The way you conduct yourself as wives and husbands shows whether you respect the scriptural authority or not. Paul gives us these exhortations as that, so that we may cultivate strong biblical marriages. It doesn’t matter how the marriages around you are or what values they follow. Christian homes should be in a particular way.

God has ordered Christian homes to be in a particular way. And Paul is here, in the context of Ephesians, is casting a vision of a new humanity in Jesus Christ on the side of eternity. And Paul’s vision is this. Husbands and wives another in marriage according to the model of loving Christ and a submissive church. The main idea of this passage, of these passages, is wives submit to your own husbands, and then in verses 22 and 24 he talks about that, and then in verse 22 he gives a motive towards the end. He says, “as to the Lord.”

Then in verse 23, he gives the reason. The reason for submission, that the husband is the head of the wife. And then he gives an analogy here about Christ and the church. The basic outline of this sermon will be like a call for submission, motive for submission, reason for submission, and manner for submission.

Call for submission. Verse 22 again. “Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord.” Verse 24. “But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” Now this passage builds on the preceding context, especially in verse 21. It says, “And subject yourselves to one another in the fear of Christ.”

Now some interpret this verse to mean that since we have to submit to one another, husbands also should submit to their wives. Now this is a favorite verse for the egalitarians, right? But, you know, I think that is a wrong conclusion here. But this is not what Paul meant here. We need to understand this verse in the entirety of its context.

The context begins in chapter 4. In chapter 4, Paul gave quite a few number of one another commandments. He uses one another and also each other in chapter 4 and chapter 5. You look at chapter 4 verse 2, he says, “bearing with one another.”

And in chapter 4, verse 25, he says we are parts or members of one another. Chapter 4, verse 32, he says, “be kind to one another.” You know, in each case, Paul used one another to refer to expectations of all believers. And as believers, we have these responsibilities to one another. And you come to chapter 5 verse 19, though Paul uses a different word, each other. He says they’re singing to each other or one another, but it gives the same sense. Then you come to chapter 5 verse 21, he says subject to one another. There is a sense in which all believers are

involved in this. And such an idea is derived from the context. It is yielding one’s rights to each other and interpersonal relationships to serve one another. And in the context of the church, we submit to one another. But when you come to verse 22, Paul is explicitly speaking about the household conduct.

Paul turns to household conduct from a general church setting. But nevertheless, our passage today hinges upon one particular preceding command in chapter 5 verse 18, “be filled with the Holy Spirit.” It is, it is coming under the control of God as he will enable us to bear the fruit as his disciples. The Spirit of God, he fosters in us an attitude of other-centeredness. And such an attitude is essential not only in the church but also in the, in a context of marriage.

It is the Holy Spirit who enables us to be other-centered, a spouse-centered, not me-centered. When you are me-centered, you think that, “Okay, this marriage is not working for me. I quit,” right? Submission and sacrificial love are alien subjects or topics in the 21st century marriage institution.

We fight for equal rights. Of course, we are equal. Paul’s purpose here is to strengthen marriages. He sets a high standard for both wives and husbands, even for children, parents. In chapter 5, Paul gives two commands in the context of wives. In verses 22 and 24, he gives one command called submit. In verse 33 of chapter 5, he says respect.

Wives, respect your husbands. Wives, submit to your husbands. What is submission? You know, before addressing this question, we must address what submission is not. In his book, God, Marriage and Family, Andreas Köstenberger, I encourage you to read that book. It’s a wonderful book.

He explains the difference between traditional and biblical marriages. In a traditional marriage, a certain type of division exists, he says. Women are often responsible for cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, etc., while men are working and earning an income. He says, while Scripture does speak of a man working outside the home as his primary responsibility and the home as the center of a woman’s activity, though not limited to the home, this may vary from couple to couple and should be considered a part of Christian freedom.

And he says, I think these adjustments can be made as long as the biblical headship and biblical submission model is practiced and the roles are not reversed. You can come to an understanding and make those adjustments. And he says that wife can work outside the home without neglecting the home, and the husband can help at home, should help at home, without his primary, without neglecting his primary responsibility of providing for the home. Those adjustments can be made accordingly. So submission doesn’t mean slavery.

Submission doesn’t mean husband is the owner of the wife. Right? Wives are not called to follow their husbands mindlessly, blindly. It doesn’t mean that men are always right in their judgement. Submission doesn’t mean that women are less intelligent or inferior to men. Submission doesn’t mean that women’s opinions or inputs are less valuable.

What does biblical submission look like? Before speaking on this, I’d like to talk a bit about respect. We’ll speak about that when we come to verse 33, but you know, submission and respect go together. Without respect for your husbands you cannot submit, right? Look at verse 33. Paul says, “The wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”

“The wife must see to it. That she respects her husband.” We will talk more about this later. But a wife ought to respect her husband. Here the proper word is reverence. Deepu is saying hmm. I’m sorry. A wife ought to respect her husband. Which means the proper word is reverence. And it doesn’t mean worship. But it means a profound measure of respect. A profound measure of respect. If you look at an average marriage today, this aspect of respect is completely missing.

In Christian homes. Even when you disagree with your husband. You should do it out of respect. You have an argument. You argue out of respect. You disagree with your husband. egotism, but because he may be unbiblical, unethical or his opinions are against common sense.

You disagree with him, but out of respect. Let’s say your husband shouts at you. What will you do? How do you retaliate? No, husband shouting at wife is unacceptable. It’s wrong. But in such a situation, shouting back at him won’t help. It’s best to calm down, compose yourself, calm down in the presence of the Lord. Later you can talk to him, talk some sense to him, but respectfully. Respectfully. Regardless of whether you agree or disagree with him, you need to speak to him respectfully.

Remember to behave respectfully towards him and maintain a respectful tone while communicating, even when you disagree with him. Respect him the way you speak to him, behave with him, disagree with him or argue with him. So we will talk more about it later. But what is submission?

Paul calls women to submit to their own husbands for healthy, harmonious and God honoring marriages. Paul instructs three times, verse 22, verse 24 and verse 33, to submit. Paul uses similar terminology in husband-wife relationships at least in the five different places in his writings, will not look at all those passages, but I want to mention two passages. Titus 2 verses 4 and 5, writing to the older woman and crazy right you tip Titus to encourage the older woman to encourage the younger woman, he says that so that they may encourage the young woman to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the Word

of God will not be dishonored. It says, “being subject to their own husbands.” Colossians chapter 3, verse 18. Many say that this is a parallel epistle along with Ephesians. You find similar thoughts in Colossians. Colossians 3, verse 18. It says, “Wives, be subject to your husbands as it is fitting in the Lord.”

as it is fitting in the Lord. It may not make sense to you, but what Paul is saying that it is fitting in the Lord. It makes sense to the Lord. Even Peter speaks about this in 1 Peter chapter 3 verse 1. “In the same way, you wives be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them there may be one without a word by the behavior of the wives.”

You know, when you respectfully, submissively conduct yourself in your marriage, you can win your husband through your behavior. You may not win him by an argument. Your number of years of marriage will testify to that. Right? Your arguments will only make things worse.

But by your chaste behavior, eventually you will win your husband. Understand that the instruction for wives to submit to their husbands can be a very sensitive topic, but it's worth noting that this idea is spread across the Pauline material and also echoed by Peter.

We understand that God instituted marriage and he designed the responsibilities of husbands and wives. And Paul advocates the voluntary submission of wives to husbands. And such commands are found in the Bible because the biblical authors are addressing a fallen condition. Why is there a commandment to submit in the first place?

Because the biblical authors are addressing that fallen condition. Because for whatever reason, maybe because of fall, we do not want to submit. The fallen condition refers to our unwillingness to submit. At the core of our sinful nature, we dislike submission and do not want anyone telling us what to do.

We prefer to be our own boss, make our own decisions. Submission is an unnecessary pressure even in marriage. You must understand that we are social beings and require companionship and community. The concept of individualism and being free-spirited does not align with the teachings of the Bible.

The ideas of headship and submission, especially in the context of the marriage, are rooted based on the creation. Some say that submission is a result of fall. No, submission is rooted in creation. It's not a result of fall of Adam and Eve but it's a fundamental aspect of creation. You can refer to Genesis chapter 1 and 2. You can refer to Matthew chapter 19. You can refer to 1 Corinthians chapter 11 verses 3 to 12. You can refer to 1 Timothy chapter 2 verses 11 to 13. Paul roots submission on creation.

We should note that women are called not to submit to all men in general, but to their own husbands. To their own husbands. John Stott says that submission is giving oneself to her husband. It is accepting and respecting the roles which God has defined.

So we have seen that there's a call for submission to woman. Now examine your heart. How is your marriage life? Is there submission in your marriage? Is there respect towards your husband? And all those who are unmarried, weigh these things properly before you enter into a marriage relationship.

It’s not going to be easy. This is a call, this is a serious call. We must consider these things before entering into the marriage relationship. We must know our call as husbands and wives before we enter into a marriage relationship. And Bible clearly states it that a wife should submit. Meant. Secondly, Paul speaks about the motive for our submission. Verse 22, the last part, he says, “Wives, be submitted to your own husbands as to the Lord.” As to the Lord. Now Paul here speaks both, you know, in this, in this passage he speaks about both motive and also the manner. We’ll

look at the manner later. But the motive is as to the Lord. How should we understand this reading? Paul uses a similar kind of phrasing in chapter 6 verse 7. In the context of slaves. He says, writing to the slaves, he says that with good will render service as to the Lord.

Not to men. To the Lord, not to men. Not to please men but to please the Lord. That’s a motive here. In accordance with their devotion to the Lord, wives are expected to submit to their own husbands, and this is done to glorify Christ. And for a godly wife, this submission to her husband is seen as part, as a part of her Christian discipleship.

As you become, have become a disciple of Lord Jesus Christ, this is part of that call to follow the Lord. It is not driven by some societal or cultural pressure. I was about to say pleasure. It’s pressure, but rather by love for Christ and a desire to honor him, a desire to be conformed to his image.

This is the way also we conform ourselves to the image of the Lord Jesus Christ. Your submission to your husband shows your loyalty to Christ Jesus. You’re not submissive to your husband, you’re not respecting your husband. No matter how much you pray, you sing songs, or serve in different capacities, it means that you’re not loyal to your Lord.

If you’re not respecting your husband, the way you talk to him, the way you deal with him, now behave with him, you’re not loyal to your Lord. The motive for submission is to please the Lord, because he designed marriage, he instituted marriage, he gave you this call as a woman to be a submissive wife. And this call to submit to your husband is to please the Lord primarily. Nor right after a marriage of my friend, I and my wife visited them right after a few days. The woman said on the face of her husband in front of us, “Should I submit to this man?”

This man? Lifelong? No? Probably you may not say it loudly but you may have realized that after marrying your husband that he is not worthy. But you do it out of love for the Lord, who strengthens you. He’s the source for your submission, he’s a source for you to be humble, he’s a source for joy in your marriage, even if your husband is not worthy. Number three, he gives a reason for submission.

Why should a wife submit? Why should a wife’s commitment to the Lord lead her to submit to her own husband? Verse 23, he says, “For the husband is the head of wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, himself being the savior of the body.”

Now Paul here uses a picture of Christ and church relationship here to make a point. No, we should be careful here not to make one to one mapping here. No, Christ is the head of the church, and also the source of the church, but the husband is the head of the wife, of his wife, but not the source of his wife. Right? The source is Christ because both husband and wife are part of the church. We draw our strength to fulfill our respective roles from Christ and give to others. In this context, wife to their husbands.

We will look at the responsibilities of a husband next week. But Paul's point here is this. A wife should submit to her husband because God has placed the husband in a role of authority over his wife. The sooner you understand this, your marriage will be peaceful.

Otherwise you will be fighting all your life for your say, for your authority in your marriage, and there’ll be constant friction. And this is the divine order in marriage. It doesn’t mean that wife is insignificant or inferior. Again, both husband and wife are equal in value, created in the image of God. They both have a goal to be conformed into the image of God. Both are co-heirs with Christ. Right at the beginning God clearly outlines the roles and responsibilities. You know, what is that? Turn your Bibles to Genesis chapter 2 verse 18. Genesis chapter 2 verse 18. “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.’” God clearly defined their responsibilities here.

Husband leads, the wife helps. Husband leads, wife helps. And this role as a helper is not insignificant here. The husband, which means that the husband cannot lead effectively without wife’s help. He’s helpless without his wife. He cannot lead on his own. He need for, he need help from his wife, support from his wife, input from his wife, insight from his wife, wisdom from his wife, of his wife, encouragement from his wife. He needs that. Without that, he will fail as a husband and as a father. He will fail in his responsibility. In order for a man to effectively lead a family, he needs that help, that encouragement, the support, the respect of a wife, of his wife.

He needs her perspective. He needs her correction at times. He needs every kind of help possible from his wife. That’s the place which God has given to a woman. She’s not insignificant. You’re not insignificant in your marriage. You’re valuable. You’re precious in your marriage.

Without you, your family crumbles. But you need to do it rightly. In a God-ordained way. This is your call, my sister. Next, Paul speaks about manner of submission. Verse 24, the first part. “But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.”

Just as the church voluntarily submits to Christ, so also wives should freely and willingly submit to their husbands. This does not mean, again, that she follows him in sinful and harmful matters. You should not submit, woman, you should not submit your husbands on issues contrary to God’s commands.

If your husband turns violent in those situations, you’d seek help. But other than that, women, you should submit to your husbands. For example, if your husband wants you to resign from your job so that you can spend more time with the kids, submit to him.

Submit to him. Or if your husband has a desire to serve the Lord in some capacity or some other place, or move his job to some other place because there are more opportunities to serve the Lord, or the church sees that this family should go there, submit to him. Trust the Lord. A Christian marriage, general husband and a jawan wife.

It is not military submission. To a military general or a king, people submit without any questions asked. But you here, respectfully, submissively, you reason with your husband. You understand the pros and cons. You help him understand to make right decision. New Testament commentator S. M. Baugh says, “However, the wife’s submission is as a fellow heir of life to someone who is charged to act like Christ with self-sacrificial love for her.”

There is a difference between submission to other authorities and submission of wives to their own husbands. The other authorities are not called to act like Christ, but your husband is called to act like Christ. Love Christ, lay down, love his wife, lay down his life for the wife.

Although there may be exceptions, the passage focuses on the importance of the wife’s willing submission to her husband’s leadership. And I like to say this, it is a sin not to submit because it is a commandment to submit and to respect. Every time you’re not submitting to your husband, every time you speak without respect to your husband, it is sin against God.

You’re sinning against God. Not submitting or respecting your husband is a rebellion against God. It is a rebellion against God. Fighting for your own rights, your own way is a rebellion against God. Not trusting God’s design is rebellion against God. Marriage is about God and His design.

We should understand this. Especially, we should understand this even before we enter a marriage relationship. It’s not about us. It’s about God and His design. Paul is writing to a church and he brings in the marriage topic in the context of the church. You need to understand this connection.

Your marriage is not about you. It’s not about your children. Your marriage is about God and His design, His church. No, Paul is writing to a church here, and he is addressing the marriage here in the context of that church. A believing family is a part of a larger family, that is the entire church, right? And Christ is the head of the church.

Look at Ephesians chapter 1 verse 10. Paul says, “Regarding his plan of the fullness of the times, to bring all things together in Christ, things in the heavens and things on the earth.” This is the ultimate plan of our Lord, of our God.

Our marriages are a part of that plan. Our marriages are part of God’s overarching redemptive historical purpose of bringing all things together in Christ. Your marriage is not about you. If you’re not submissive to your husbands, O wife, you’re fighting against God’s design.

You’re fighting against God’s purposes. Our passage also contains an amazing truth. Verse 23, it says, “as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.” Your God glorifying submission to your husband is impossible as long as you hold on to yourself.

You need to give yourself to the Lord wholly before you can become a suitable helper, a submissive wife, a respecting wife, your husband. You need to give yourself to the Lord before you do your part in your small family and in the larger family of the church.

Your incapabilities are not a hindrance because Paul reminds us that Christ is the head of the church. He is the savior of the body, which means that Christ died for the church. He purchased us, the church, from our sinfulness. He gives grace upon grace to become godly. And the biggest problem in our marriage is sin, ourself. The ultimate solution is the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, because marriage is rooted in the Lordship of Jesus Christ, who is gracious. Have great hope. We can have great hope in marriage. He’s a savior of you, a wife. It gives grace. He laid down his life so that you can live rightly. You can depend on him for his grace to be, to do your part as a wife. Where do you turn when marriage is difficult?

Depression? Divorce? Drugs? More work? Spending time with your friends? Movies? No. Those are the wrong places to go. Of course you can go to your friends. Pray with them. But primarily you need to look at Christ. Look to Christ. Marriage is intended to point us to a redeemer. Marriage is intended to sanctify us. It shows our incapabilities. It shows how we fall short of God’s standards, and it points us to a redeemer, to look to him, to cry to him, to fulfill your call as a wife.

And you’re not left alone. Paul says, be filled with the Holy Spirit. In order to fulfill your responsibility as a wife in your marriage, you need to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Otherwise, it’s difficult. Otherwise, it’s almost impossible. That’s the reason there are divorces.

If you’re willing to do your part by submitting to Christ’s Lordship and to assume your role as a helper, submissive wife, you’re on the Lord’s side and He will give you grace in your marriage. As Peter said in 1 Peter chapter 1, you will win your husband by your behavior.

I want to suggest two books to you women. One is, I think it’s True Women by Susan Hunt. Another thing is Lies That Women Believe by… Huh? No. Nancy DeMoss, Leigh DeMoss. I request you to get these books and read them. I’m reading a portion from the Susan Hunt’s book. She says, “I cannot give logical arguments for submission.”

“It defies logic that Jesus should release all the glories of heaven so he could give us the glory of heaven. Submission is not about logic. It is about love.” And she goes on to say, “Jesus loved us so much that he voluntarily submitted to death on a cross.”

“His command is that wives are to submit to their husbands. It is a gift that we voluntarily give to the man we have vowed to love in obedience to the Savior we love.” And she goes on to say, “God said that man needs a helper.”

“Woman celebrates this calling and becomes affirming rather than adversarial, compassionate rather than controlling, a partner rather than a protagonist. She becomes substantively rather than superficially submissive.” She goes on to say, “The true woman is not afraid to place herself in a position of submission. She does not have to grasp. She does not have to control. Her fear dissolves in the light of God’s covenant promise to be our God and to live with her. Submission is simply a demonstration of our confidence in the sovereign power of the Lord God. Submission is a reflection of our redemption.”

Let’s pray. Heavenly Father, we thank you for your word. We believe, Father, that you instituted the marriage. You specified these rules. We acknowledge, Lord, your wisdom is far, far greater than our logic, our reasonings. Give us grace to see that your wisdom is the best.

Give us grace to submit to your wisdom. We pray, Father, that you would give grace to all the women here, especially to the wives. They would be submissive, respectful wives. That they would celebrate their calling. In you, Lord, may they do everything as to you, oh Lord, to glorify your great name. We thank you, Father Lord, for your word. In Jesus Christ name we pray. Amen.