Not yet reviewed
This transcript was produced automatically and has not been checked by a person yet. Some words — names and places especially — may be wrong. Please treat the video above as the message as preached.
Good morning everyone. We’ll continue our studies from the book of Ephesians, and for that purpose we’ll turn our Bibles to Ephesians chapter 5. I initially I thought like I’ll do a four-part sermon on marriage, but then I changed my mind. I thought I’ll stick to two. So last week, I know, we focused on wife’s responsibility, and today we’ll focus on husband’s responsibility. But I—the title, it’s not “husband walk Christ’s way,” it’s “marriage Christ’s way.” So today what I’m going to do is I’m going to talk few aspects of women’s responsibility as well, and also a husband’s responsibility. Let’s turn our Bibles to Ephesians chapter 5, and we’ll read verses 24 till 33.
24 till 33. “But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her, so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.
For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are parts of his body. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, as for you individually, each husband is to love his own wife the same as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” Let’s pray. Father, we thank you for this wonderful morning that you have given us as a church.
Thank you, Lord, for this privilege to come together, to gather as your people and sing praises to you. And we pray Lord as we come to your word, as we look into your word, we pray Father for the powerful ministry of your Spirit of God in our midst, in our lives. Pray God that you would bring conviction from your word through your spirit so that Lord we would submit to the teaching of your word. And we pray that you protect us Lord from all kinds of distractions, and we pray God that we may be attentive to your word and give us grace and enable us to obey your word, O Father. In Jesus Christ name we pray, amen. The analogy Paul used here for husbands and wives is
very crucial, no? Both the roles of a husband and a wife and a family should function according to the divine order which and God has instituted this order, and Paul motivates these complementary roles by the analogy between Christ and his church. And Paul’s motive for this analogy is that biblical marriages should reflect the union of Christ and his church. Biblical marriages should reflect the union of Christ and his church. Today I want to continue from where I left off last Sunday, which means that I like to share a few more thoughts on a wife submission, and then I will speak on man’s responsibility to lead his family. And I want to speak also about the mysterious union which Paul reveals to us. Three
aspects today. But first, to the wife’s again. Paul first uses the analogy in verse 23, where he shows that Christ is the head of the church, but the starting part of the—but the starting point of the comparison is in verse 24, where the church is subject to Christ.
This is an essential comparison because the verb here is in the indicative mood. It’s not imperative. Indicative mood verbs, they show the state of being, right? And the church, which means that, which implies that the church will always be in subjection to Christ. That’s an important lesson that Paul is teaching us here, and that is, this is how the church interacts with Christ, in submission all the time. And the church will and always follow the lead of Christ.
And in the original language, Paul does not repeat the word submit when he addresses wives in verse 24. But the idea of submission is carried over to the wives from the analogy—church’s submission to Christ. Such a reading is clear in not many versions of English, but in NASB. It says that “but as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” But some other versions have included subject there or submit there. It is right because that is carried out, carried over from the context.
Which means here, wives’ submission to their husbands is according to the pattern of the church’s submission to Christ. Paul also mentions the scope of that submission. He says that, he adds a phrase there, “in everything.” That’s the scope of submission. Now that doesn’t mean, as I mentioned last week, that doesn’t mean that you should obey or agree with your husband in everything. In the sense you should not agree with him in sin, except for sin.
Follow your husband. Submit to your husband. Such a statement could be offensive in the 21st century to a woman. And we already spoke about it last week that we should clear our understanding of submission here, a biblical—Now, biblical submission of a woman to her husband is not slavery, but it is a God-given responsibility. And we have seen last week that how a woman is made to be a suitable helpmate. And without the help of his wife, a husband fails in his responsibility of leading his family. No, we are, no, but the thing is we are so clever.
I’m not just talking about women. All of us are so clever. Rather wicked at heart. We want to look for loopholes, right? Like the devil in the garden. No, we also want to twist God’s commands. Right? You may reason and say, “Did he say everything?”
Did he mean everything? Right? Paul may not have meant literally everything. Or maybe you’re looking for situations when this command does not apply. No. No. Everything means everything. Everything. Do not be carried away by the wind of feminism. Feminism is not just a reaction to male chauvinism.
I agree that men have abused women over the centuries. It’s wrong and it’s evil. Any abuse of women is evil and sinful. Both feminism and male chauvinism are sinful. But I think feminism is not just a reaction to male abuse of women. I think it is a long cry from a fallen heart from the Garden of trying to find its way up from the ages. And as a result of the fall, as a result of the fall in the Garden of Eden, you know, God said to Eve in Genesis chapter 3 verse 16, he said that “your desire will be for your husband.” And may I remind you that this is a desire immediately after this desire births immediately after their fall.
So this is a sinful desire. This is a desire which is crouching at the human’s heart. It is a desire to overpower man. It’s a desire for a husband. A woman’s desire for a husband shall be a desire to push him out of his place of leadership.
And the struggle not to submit and to keep your husband under your control will always be there. You may not be powerful enough to control your husband, but we know, we have seen marriages where women to control their men. All men can witness to that and even women can witness to that.
And such a mentality has come into Christian homes because we too have a fallen heart. And unfortunately, some Christian women do not recognize this as a sinful and a fallen condition. And there are good mother-in-laws or sister-in-laws, whatever in-laws, they tell our wives, “Keep your husband under your control.” Learn that. Additionally, parents are failing to teach their children about biblical womanhood and instead simply giving them away in marriage.
This harmful disposition, which is not dealt at the heart level is causing damages to marriage, the institution of marriage. It’s causing damage to families. It is not right to control your husband in any way, nor should you engage in any form of conflict to achieve your desired outcome.
Unfortunately there are instances where women resort to abusive behavior when they don’t get their way. And emotional manipulation is a common tactic used by some women to exert control over their husbands. However, this approach is still a form of control and should be avoided.
I want to tell you that you are accountable to the Lord for how you live as a wife in your home. On the contrary, a redeemed woman would like to conform to God’s standards. A redeemed woman would cry to the Lord and her cry should be this, “Oh God, please teach me how to joyfully live by this principle of submission in my home for your glory.”
That will be the cry of a redeemed woman. And Peter touches upon the heart of this issue. In 1 Peter 3, verses 3 and 4, I want you to turn your Bibles to 1 Peter 3, verses 3 and 4. Peter says there, “Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair, putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear.
“But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” Which in God’s sight is very precious. Now what we learn here is that your life in your home should be pleasing to the Lord.
A gentle and a quiet spirit is what God wants from you. You cannot respect your husbands without cultivating this gentle and quiet spirit. And you may say, “Oh brother, that’s not my personality.” Oh yeah, God knows that. God knows that. We do not have that in us.
Spirit of God. It is the fruit of the Spirit of God. It is the gospel grace. We need to be constantly be filled with the Spirit of God in order to be gentle and be quiet in our spirits. Unless we are gentle and quiet in our spirit, you know, we, you as a woman cannot respect truly, honor your husbands.
This attitude is very essential for you to properly respect your husband. But in the epistle of Ephesians, Paul doesn’t deal with the practical aspects of submission. He aims to establish a general norm for marital relationships. Women submit to your own husbands as a joyful expression of your obedience to your Lord and Saviour.
Women, your spiritual and familial welfare is in your submission to your husbands. Your family is healthy when women fulfill their responsibility by submitting and respecting their husbands. And after this Paul now turns his focus on the husbands. In verse 25 Paul says, “Husbands, love your wives.” Husbands, love your wives. It is the responsibility of the husbands to love their wives self-sacrificially.
The love we see in the world, it often revolves around self-interest. People love others because they expect something in return. And this could be material possessions, social status or emotional support. Such love is transactional in nature and is based on the expectation of reciprocity. See, and as a result of the fall, men are prone to self-serving rule. And this is the curse that has come upon men after the fall. Genesis chapter 3 again, verse 16: “Yet your desire will be for your husband, he shall rule over you.” He
shall rule over you. In that, this is again a consequence of fall. Instead of loving, self-sac— loving and self-sacrificial leadership, men have become domineering. Men started controlling their wives, abusing their wives. And such a rule is born out of self-love. His authority as a husband should not be challenged. If it’s challenged, then there is abuse in the marriage.
Although a man may genuinely want to love his wife, his desire for self-preservation often takes precedence over his desire for his wife’s well-being. And that is why men should live under the control of the Holy Spirit. To exercise their God-given responsibility to lead their families lovingly. Without which it’s impossible.
It’s impossible to wholly seek the welfare of your wife in your marriage. Without being self-centered. It’s difficult. It’s impossible. Your own marriage is a testimony. My own marriage is a testimony to that. We cannot lead our wives, love our wives lovingly if you are not under the control of the Holy Spirit.
And there are these passive husbands. You know, these men do not take any active responsibility to lead their families, and their inactive presence is destructive in a sense. That particular family is missing out on an essential element that contributes to the health of the family. That is the leadership of a man.
And they will be missing out on that biblical leadership. And even a workaholic husband who fails to give time to his family is a passive husband, a passive man in his family. A man's failure to lead a family is a failure to fulfill God's given responsibility.
Men, if you're married, if you're married, you're responsible for leading your family. Men, if you're married, you're responsible to sacrificially love your wives. If you cannot lead, you shouldn't have married in the first place. The problem is we do not think these things before we get married, right? Other things run in our minds when we think of marriage, not about sacrificially loving our wives. Those things won't come into picture. But if you are married, learn to lead.
It's never too late. It's never too late. Again, Paul draws our attention to the analogy here. Saying, “husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church.” Paul wants both husbands and wives to look at Christ and the ideal church as described in the Bible.
The church here is the ideal church as described in the Bible, not the local church, the visible church that we see here today. The church that we see here, even we as a church, we are not perfect. We don't perfectly submit to our Lord, our Christ. But what Paul talks here is about the ideal church as described in the Bible, right? So both husbands and wives should look to Christ and the ideal church, and he wants us to learn some vital lessons here. How should we love our wives?
Just as Christ loved the church. What does that love look like? What does that love look like? Christ's sacrificial love is a model for husband's leadership. How did Christ love the church in the first place? Paul says he gave himself up for her. He gave himself up for her. As Paul had expounded in chapter 2, we were all dead in our trespasses and sins. We lived according to our own lusts and were children of wrath. But he chose us and God sent his son to die for us in our place for our sins under the wrath of God.
He suffered and died in our place and rose again for our justification. That's the way Christ loved us. But why did Christ love us this way? Why did Christ love us this way? Look at verse 26 and 27. He says that, “so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in all our glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she made would be holy and blameless.” Why did Christ love us this way? So that he can atone for our sins and make provision for our sins, and through the precious gospel he can cleanse us, he can cleanse, cleanses
from all uncleanliness, and he may clothe us with his righteousness, and he may adorn us with glory and beauty, so that he may finally present us with without spot or wrinkle, holy and blameless. And there is a reason why Christ did all that he did for the church. And Paul draws a vital principle from this analogy. Look at verse 28. Look at verse 28. He says, “so husbands also ought to love their wives as their own bodies.” See, you understand here, you understand the connection here. Paul is drawing this principle out from this analogy of Christ's sacrificial love for his church, right? And the essential
principle is this: husbands should start treating their wives as their own bodies, has their own selves. That's a principle here. In a figurative sense, Christ is the head, the church is a body. You cannot separate the body from the head, and the reason that is because it is his body.
God the Father, along with the other persons of the Godhead, chose a people for his glory. He sent the second person of the Trinity to this world. And he assumed the human nature. He lived a righteous life. And as a righteous lamb of God, he went to the cross to offer himself for the sins of his chosen people. Why did he do that? Why did he suffer for his people? Because there is people, because there is body, because these people for whom he died are his people by virtue of God's election.
Christ on this earth did not think of his own ease or comforts. He went out of his way. He went to the point where he laid down his life to save her. The church is precious to him. He saw the church as his own, and he gave everything to earn that church, to possess that church. You remember that hymn, “The Church's One Foundation”? It says, it says, “the church's one foundation is Jesus Christ our Lord.”
She is his new creation by water and the word. And it follows, from heaven he came and sought her to be his holy bride, with his own blood he bought her and for her life he died. And he says, the hymn says, “The church shall never perish, her dear Lord to defend, to guide, sustain and cherish, is with her to the end.”
Husbands can love their wives truly in a God-glorifying manner only when they see their marriage redemptively. Husbands should see their marriages in the light of Christ’s sacrificial love for the church. Christ’s sacrifice for the church was prompted by his election. He saw the church to be his own.
And drawing from this Christ and the church union, Paul says husbands — now, husbands also ought to love their wives as their own bodies. It’s impossible to love your wives this way unless you see them as yours, as part of you. There is an intimate connection in the marriage.
Christ’s love for the church is a model that should prompt husbands to see the beauty of marriage union. She may not be beautiful when you first got married to her. There may be wrinkles on her face. Her body may have changed because of childbearing.
She is still beautiful to you. Because you don’t see her with a carnal eye. You see her through the cross of Jesus Christ. Your life is grounded and rooted in the cross of Jesus Christ. Unless your life is rooted there, your marriage is not healthy. Then, you know, before dwelling on this aspects in verses 28 to 30, I want you to, for a while, jump to verse 31. I want to, I want you to see this beauty of this union, marriage union. Here Paul shows us the beauty of this marriage union. He says in verse 31, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
Now Paul quotes Genesis chapter 2 verse 24, and he takes us to the garden where the first marriage was instituted. By quoting this, Paul is showing us the importance of that marriage union. In marriage, there is a creation of the new family unit, that is husband and wife. You are no longer a part of your parents’ family.
Your marriage is the inception of a new family. The outcome of that marriage, that union is this, the two shall become one flesh. Husband and wife are no longer two but one. In the sight of God this is a unique union where the two become one.
Each husband must love his wife as himself because she is one flesh with him. That’s the thing Paul wants to show us here. You are one. Your— you shall not think of your wife as a separate person. You two have become one, and nothing shall come in between you both. Not even your children. Not even your children. Let us return to verse 28. We’ll come back to this verse. For now, let us return to verse 28. He says, “Husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.” In that, he adds an extra phrase here. Do you understand why Paul term own bodies? A wife is one flesh with her
husband. That is why Paul emphasizes that a husband ought to love his wife as himself. Loving one’s wife as his own body means loving one’s wife as himself. Such intimacy in marriage is exclusive. A husband and wife’s commitment to each other is qualitatively different from their commitment to other men and women.
Your marriage will only improve once you see this beautiful exclusive union. This union will teach you many lessons. It shows us that your relationship with your spouse is sacred. It’s holy, it’s pure and you dare not mistreat your spouse. You dare not join yourself to other woman or man even in your thoughts.
You will not also let your parents or in-laws involve, interfere or dictate rules for your family. Paul appeals to husbands to love their wives as their own bodies. He appeals to the husband’s natural inclination to care for their bodily needs. Self-care consists of being concerned for one’s well-being. Look at verse 29, he says, “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.”
You know how you take care of your bodies? Even people who do not exercise, they care for their bodies. They want to feed their bodies. Why do you exercise if those who exercise? Because you love your bodies. You want to be fit. Why do people have only one meal in a day? Because they love their own bodies.
Right? We nourish, naturally we nourish, we cherish our own bodies. And Paul uses the term flesh here to refer to the body. It’s a synonymous word. He suggests that people do not hate or dislike themselves, but instead care for themselves. Nourish and cherish are two terms that describe the practical outworking or manifestations of that love.
They are used to express the physical care and emotional warmth to the other person. Such physical care and emotional warmth to the other person. Just as any reasonable person takes care of their own body, a husband should also care for his wife. He should provide care for her, show warmth and tenderness towards her. And Paul wants all Christian husbands to understand that they should be concerned for their wife’s well-being like they are concerned for themselves.
He wants such care and devotion ingrained in their mindset and also in habits. When a husband and wife get married, they become one and should treat each other with love and respect. You two, a husband and wife, are not two anymore, but you are the new one. You are the new one. And Paul bases this argument again on Christ and the church. In the last part of verse 29 and verse 30, he says that, you know, in the last Christ also does the church, and verse 30, we are, because we are parts of his body. So it is imperative that you as a husband should provide unwavering physical and emotional support to your wife, as you are one body.
you're akin to how Christ cares for the church and should not be taken lightly The next aspect that we will see here is our marriages should reflect the mysterious union of Christ and the church. Let us once again look at verse 31. He says, For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh verse 32 this mystery is great but i am speaking with reference to christ and the church no we have seen that how this quotation from genesis shows the importance of marriage union but paul definitely draws an essential principle for marriage from this these verses he also uses it to reveal something new he wants to reveal a mysterious union of christ and the church he says in verse 32 this mystery is great and he's not just talking about
the marriage union here. This mystery is great, and he goes on to say, “but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.” The union of husband and wife in one flesh was originally intended in the Garden of Eden. As it was instituted. It was intended to prefigure and to illustrate the union that Christ now has with his church.
This is a new revelation that Paul brings to us. Paul revealed that relational union between Christ and the church was a mystery that fascinated him. He understood how marriage is a signpost which points us to something greater, spiritual reality. And that mystery is the union of Christ and the church. That mystery is not in Genesis 2 which he quotes here but he uses that union to point us to something greater. But in this revelation about Christ and the church, in other words, Paul seems to tell us that the establishment of marriage in the book of Genesis is about Christ and his children.
church. The relationship between a husband and a wife should be based on the mysterious union of Christ and the church. Why a family should function in certain way? Because it is based on this mysterious union of Christ and the church. The church is united to Christ in an eternal, unbreakable union, and this union should be reflected in the marriage. Look at verse 33. Now he says, “Nevertheless, as for you individually, each husband is to love his own wife, and love his own wife the same as himself, and the wife to it that she respects her husband.” See the conjunction here in verse 33, “nevertheless,” or in the ESV, “however,” it draws our attention to the train of thought that Paul is developing about the husband and wife’s relationship here, after which he for a
bit digresses to show us the mysterious union of Christ and the church, from which we draw patterns and inspiration for our marriages. Here in verse 33, Paul returns to his main point. Paul concludes his main points, but in conclusion he addresses husbands first and wives next.
First, Paul gives husbands an action point corresponding to Christ’s ministry to the church. He says, husbands, as for you individually, each husband, he says, each husband, you, each of you who is a husband, each of you who is married, must love your wife as yourselves. Because she is one flesh with you. She is one flesh with you. You shall not rule over her as a monarch and exert authority or abuse her in the light, but in the light of, but in the light of your redemption, and as you come under the control of the Holy Spirit, you must appropriately lead your wife. Love your wife.
Unless a husband loves his wife willingly and sacrificially, that marriage is not growing. That marriage is not growing. To love their wives as themselves. It is to make your wife a priority in your family. You should be interested in your wife’s welfare. If you do not love your wife like this, brothers and brothers, not sisters, brothers, you are dishonoring your Lord. You’re breaking God’s commandments. You may be a responsible husband providing food, clothing and shelter, but that is not biblical love. That is not enough. You may be doing some ministry in the church, but if you do not love your wife, it’s all useless.
A husband should be like Christ with his self-sacrificial love, but he does not die in our place or sanctify her or cleanse her. He should, however, be willing to sacrifice everything to protect and to care for his wife. And Paul reminds that in Colossians that husbands should not be embittered or be harsh with their wives.
As a husband, it is crucial to let your love for your wife reflect the sacred bond of one flesh union as described in Genesis chapter 2 verse 24. This bond is a representation of the deep connection that you two share and it is a reminder of the commitment that you have for each other. Remember husbands, your love should reflect and strengthen of your union and is your responsibility to cherish and to nourish your wife every day. Secondly, Paul gives women an action point to respect their husbands, which corresponds to the church’s submission to Christ as the Lord.
Therefore, women in a biblical marriage should recognize the God-ordained role of a husband’s leadership and respect him. Here the word for respect in the original language is fear. But in this context, it may mean a profound respect for a husband. And in this context, a wife’s voluntary submission and respect are complementary ideas here. As a wife, this means you will submit your husband’s leadership out of profound respect for him.
How is this instilled in you? How can you nurture your respect towards your husband? How can you overcome your desire to control your husband? Your respect for your husband shouldn’t depend on his behavior towards you. Instead, you should be nurtured within yourself by living constantly under the control of the Holy Spirit and reflecting the mysterious union of Christ and the Church and drawing our motivation and example from that union.
Husbands and wives, you are responsible to make your marriage beautiful, which can reflect Christ’s headship and Church’s submission. Do not take your marriage union lightly. Understand this. Know this. This is a very solemn thing in the eyes of God. Do not play in your marriage.
Do not take your spouses for granted. Do not take your marriage relationship for granted. It is very serious. The Lord is very serious about our marriages. Do not serve your own interests. Sacrifice your own interests at the cross. Be filled with the Holy Spirit to carry out your responsibility as a godly husband and godly wife. The way you behave, my brother, my sister, not only brings glory or dishonor to your Lord, it also influences your kids.
You are instilling in your children such habits, whether to glorify God or to dishonor God, whether to mistreat your spouse or to honor your spouse. This applies to both husbands and your wives. Do not be rebellious. Do not hold on to your own selves. Do not be stubborn. Surrender yourselves to the Lord.
We need God’s grace. And for young men and women who aspire to marry, marriage is a solemn business. It is far more than what you think of marriage. A lot of young people just fancy sex in marriage. Understand, before you enter into a marital relationship, it’s important that we understand the dynamics of a biblical marriage.
Men, if you have kids, talk to your boys about biblical manhood. Set an example of biblical manhood to your kids right when they are young. Parents, talk to them about responsibilities right when they are young. Do not just play with them, do not just hand over toys to them. Talk to them, speak to them as man unto a man who would become a man, or a woman unto a woman who would become a woman. Be responsible fathers and mothers. Set an example to them. Talk to them about responsibility. Women, speak to your daughters about biblical womanhood. Prepare them for a biblical healthy marriage. It breaks my heart because a lot of Christian homes are filled with filth
and bad examples. Christian homes are filled with bad examples where husbands do not respect their wives, honor their wives, love, they do not love their wives, and women, they do not love their husbands, do not respect their husbands, you know, they’re always evil in that family.
As parents, we will be unfaithful stewards if we do not live rightly and do not instill these biblical values in our children. Your marriage is not about you. It’s never about you. It’s about Christ. We should glorify Him alone. And that mysterious union of Christ and the church should serve as a pattern for our marriages.
We should draw all inspiration from that marriage union of Christ and the church. Remember, one day we will forever join with our Lord. Let’s pray. Father, we come before you in the name of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We ask you, Father, to have mercy on us, Lord.
We pray that you would show us grace. We pray that you would show us mercy. Father, we as husbands and wives, we have failed miserably. We haven’t understood the beauty of this marriage union. We do not pattern ourselves, Lord. Lord, we do not follow the pattern of that mysterious union of Christ and the church.
Father, we ask you to have mercy upon us. To give us the grace. Give all the husbands the grace, Lord, to love our wives as our own bodies. May we become sacrificial husbands, loving, caring, nurturing, cherishing husbands. Give the women here who are married the grace to submit to their own husbands out as a joyful expression of their obedience to you, O Lord.
Give them grace, O Father, to love and respect and honor their own husbands. Thank you, Father. We pray, our young men and young women, for a biblical marriage. Thank you, Father, for your word. In Jesus Christ’s name we pray. Amen.